Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Let's Build A Roof Of Healthy Boundaries

In my previous post “Why setting boundaries is important” I have emphasized on the importance of setting boundaries for kids. But the major question lies is how the boundaries should be and what should be done so that we can make them more comfortable for children or rather restricting them in a manner which they may feel like a safety net.

There may be lot of ways to make the boundaries at ease for a child, let’s take a look on few of them in this post.

Boundary - A Safety Net

Define Clear Boundaries: Always tell the kids clearly what you want from them rather than specifying what you don’t want them to do. This way of expressing will allow the child to be more comfortable rather than more restricted. When we have clear boundaries, we permit ourselves.

Early start: At times, we think that the children at tender age do not completely understand us and therefore we let them free to do what they like. But later when they grow up we suddenly start restricting them, thus resulting in resentment and anger in both the child and the parent. For e.g. a child if not taught to use polite words while talking when young can’t speak politely when grown up. The best way to make a child learn is to speak with them in the same way that you expect them to speak .It is very crucial to begin creating boundaries early as child’s mind is pliable.“The most important thing parents can give their children is love. The second most important thing is discipline.” -T. Berry Brazelton, M.D.

No reminders: Setting a limit doesn’t mean that we keep reminding the kids about that each time; as repetition can annoy the child. “Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.” - Bill Ayers

Keep patience: It is not that once we have set some limits for the kids and they follow it completely. As kids are curious to know and learn, they tend to push boundaries as it is natural also. Children tend to cross the boundaries thus, test our patience; we need be patient and look out for things that can work out easily such as diverting the attention of the child. Leaving our temper and resentment apart, we can make a child understand better.

Be reasonable: Don’t try to impose too many limits as that would not result in making a healthy boundary. You are trying to make your children a better being rather than a person who follows all the rules. Mistakes occur and sometimes unknowingly; so don’t show your anger, for not enduring certain things. Slowly but surely good habits and values shall develop.

Use Positive Words: Always use positive and encouraging words when correcting children; as by this we will be inculcating positive attitude in a child. And do not forget that children always note and follow their parents.  For example instead of saying “You foolishly completed this assignment", you can say “You didn't show your smartness in this task”. Like this, the child will not get disappointed and the use of positive words will rather help in encouraging them to do the task more perfectly and confidently.

Thus, setting boundaries is nothing but teaching a child discipline and preparing them to face the challenges in life with  pride and self-control.

Healthy Boundary – The confidence politely to let the people around you know that they need to respect rules.-Anonymous

@ Meenal


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