Let's Build A Roof Of Healthy Boundaries

In my previous post “Why setting boundaries is important” I have emphasized on the importance of setting boundaries for kids. But the major question lies is how the boundaries should be and what should be done so that we can make them more comfortable for children or rather restricting them in a manner which they may feel like a safety net.

There may be lot of ways to make the boundaries at ease for a child, let’s take a look on few of them in this post.

Boundary - A Safety Net

Define Clear Boundaries: Always tell the kids clearly what you want from them rather than specifying what you don’t want them to do. This way of expressing will allow the child to be more comfortable rather than more restricted. When we have clear boundaries, we permit ourselves.

Early start: At times, we think that the children at tender age do not completely understand us and therefore we let them free to do what they like. But later when they grow up we suddenly start restricting them, thus resulting in resentment and anger in both the child and the parent. For e.g. a child if not taught to use polite words while talking when young can’t speak politely when grown up. The best way to make a child learn is to speak with them in the same way that you expect them to speak .It is very crucial to begin creating boundaries early as child’s mind is pliable.“The most important thing parents can give their children is love. The second most important thing is discipline.” -T. Berry Brazelton, M.D.

One's First Emotion - CRY

All the emotions one day were discussing, who would wear the “crown of emotion”.  All were putting forth their point, Happy said “I am the most used emotion, be it natural or fake but I am always there, so I deserve to have the glory”.  All others fell silent, after all it was very true fact put forth by Happy. 

But few seconds later Surprise said “I shake’s person mind, so I rule most of the people, be it good or bad I dumbstruck them for few seconds so I am also equally deserving for the crown”. And then again nobody had the answer, but Cry courageously said “I am the first emotion experienced when person comes to world, and I am there, be it a happy moment or sad one, I am connected to one’s heart”. Without any further discussion Cry was crowned the king of emotions.

Don’t you agree with this, that Cry deserve to be crowned? 

Crying is such an emotional moment that whenever happens cleans your eyes, in turn which clears your mind to give a fresh start, to which Dionne Warwick beautifully said “Crying is cleansing. There's a reason for tears, happiness or sadness.” 

Crying is done in contrast reasons such as when we are extremely happy, eyes are filled with tears unknowingly? And when heart is emotionally low then too tears roll out. Person comes to the world in crying state (if not cried then made to cry for scientific reasons) and when person leaves the world, rest of the people weep for that person. When you achieve goals you cry out of happiness and out of unbelievable feeling and if you lose by a notch then too you cry thinking all the hard work has gone in vain. 

Wow! How wonderful this emotion of crying is which touches our soul.

Tears connect our soul

And moreover crying is such a simple way to convey a message that even new born and toddlers used it express their feeling with various degree of crying. But as we grow up, we tend to hide this particular emotion from others for variety of reasons. Some say that crying will showcase them as weak person. 

“Crying doesn’t indicate that you are weak. Since birth it has always been a sign that you’re alive”. We also cry when we don’t have words to expresses our feelings. Many would agree that for once you may forget with whom you laughed out, but one doesn’t forget who wiped your tears. Apart from that crying shows that you have heart which cares, as Elizabeth Gilbert marvelously quoted “Do not apologize for crying, without this emotion, we are only robots.”

10 best #FathersDay Quotes for Father - The Role Model

Well it is the time to celebrate and thank a person who holds a very special place in our heart – Our “Father”. A father is a teacher, a guide, an adviser, a source of strength and support. It is aptly said, “No care is greater than the dad’s care”.

A father, who speaks everything through his eyes and gestures, though reacts less but is the person who cares the most and teaches us great values. A child feels safe under his protection and can explore the world under him. A brilliant quote says it all, "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection”. - Sigmund Freud

Why setting boundaries is important?

A parent always tries to fulfill the unlimited demands of a child, but at times parents also require saying “NO” to few things. This little word no, holds a lot of importance and restricts a child from doing it again. This is nothing but setting boundaries for our child, which is an important aspect of parenting. A boundary is nothing but a line drawn around ourselves to know from where to start and where to end; which always makes you feel safe and sets mind to work within it. We often set boundaries for ourselves and work within it, and we also do the same for our children; child too feels protected and learns many things through it.

Let me share an incident with you all related to this, I was in children’s park last week and observed that a toddler was exploring the world on its own, but his exploration were made till he could see his parents. As parents would move a step towards him, he would move a few steps further. This gives us a clear picture that the little one in his mind has set his boundaries the child walks and turns to look whether the parents are seen. Aren’t we the same as toddler in exploration, we also move ahead in path if our loved ones are with us.  In the same manner children also explores the world if you are with them with its own limitations. As child grows its boundaries are also stretched, but how to build boundaries for children and make them feel liberated at the same time is an important duty of parents.

 While deciding the frontier there are certain aspects which needs to be looked upon. Like the foremost point is “Keeping the boundaries clear” as blurred demarcations always confuses a child. A child should be clearly explained the limits and also the consequences of crossing them .For e.g. we can explain the kids that they can’t eat more than 2 chocolates in a day, as that would lead to stomach ache. By reasoning child knows why we are restricting on certain things.

As a parent we need to make a child understand that limitations are not always restrictions done in a negative way nor they are a kind of punishment. Limitation’s is not stopping one to perform instead it is a kind of a line drawn to get benefited through them and limitations done in a right manner are always fruitful. “Boundaries are meant to protect life but not limit our pleasures”- Merlin wilde.

Today in the age of gadgets, where everyone is addicted electronic devices and children are no exception; but we all know that too much of everything is too bad. On one hand it’s good that we want our kids to walk along the new technology and also feel proud that little kids are able to do lot many things easily than the elders; but on the other hand limiting usage of such devices will benefit them.(More physical activity and energetic). And same applies to elders too; even we should follow the limitations set for child with them, to make them feel it’s just not for them and applies to whole family. To bring up a child in the way he should go - travel that way yourself. - Josh Billings

There are major factors that can be used to make a boundary more comfortable, which we shall see in our upcoming posts. And for a child’s over all development we need to set a few boundaries to maintain a level so that a child learns through them.

“A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.”-Anonymous.

@Meenal